MyWorld.Jade

2006-02-16T11:56:00.000+08:00

2005-11-17T02:44:00.000+08:00

I've had a pretty rough month and words can never describe the kinda crap I had to go through emotionally and everything. Basically, Im a train wreck and thanks to Chantel, she actually helped me go through it in a small way....even if it was a small way, I still managed to get through it. Just cant sleep though cos I just cant.....and its almost 3am and i just had a bowl of instant noodles....so yeah....

2005-11-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

Hi blog,
Its been a while since I've written and many things have happened since...well, since I last wrote. The highlight of everything was the 5 straight days that I worked and lost alot of sleep and almost bruised myself badly from hitting things out of frustration. I guess stress does alot of things to me and it tends to make me go a little insane and totally over-come by anger. So, when Im angry, I'll do anything that will just ease my burning fire. Even if it means to inflict pain. Hey, I told you stress and anger make me do things. Right now, Im okay. I just got David worried cos I started a conversation with "Hi. I hate my life".......who in their right mind wont get freaked?

Its been almost 2 weeks since school started and I have missed 3 classes in total. My reason? No energy to pay attention and too tired to care. Tomorrow, I have two classes. Both I missed on Tuesday and Wednesday. Im so gonna be screwed. But whats new, hey?

I find myself being more reserved with the people around me and I find myself not as enthusiastic about the things that really excite me and get my blood pumping. My managers, friends and colleagues have told me the same thing. meh. Maybe Im just bored with life.

My dear dear dear Haseena will be home in 6 days. Darlin' I'll be waiting at the gate for ye.

2005-11-04T01:10:00.000+08:00

NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY TAGBOARD!!

She wrote me a note that said this :

" Nell, Im suicidal. Love, Valentina"

if you dont want my tagboard to die,

you'd tag her and make her happy.

2005-11-03T21:33:00.000+08:00

I did a very bad thing today. I bought 3 CDs and a bag. Actually, I bought 4 CDs but that 4th was bought based on a hidden agenda. She really wanted it and was torn between two CDs. So, I catwalked my way down to the "R" aisle, returned one of my Ataris CDs and took that certain CD and added to my pile of rock heaven. After paying the heavy bill, I whipped out the CD while we were walking out of the store and she freaked while screaming a few loving words along the lines of "you idiot". Dont worry, the relationship we have is complex. You wouldnt understand. She digs me. Heh B-)

The bag I bought was pretty neat and worth it too. I got a free handphone strap along with it. Oh joy -_- but yeah, its big, its brown and it has many many compartments along with hidden compartments. I can store my whole room in it and still not complain about its weight cos the straps are padded. Which means, I dont have any shoulder cramps what-so-ever!! OH YEAH!

I actually had a very very busy day planned for tomorrow but Im thinking of foregoing the middle part of it cos I can do it next week. But thats not a very good idea but I just dont want to do it tomorrow. I mean, if I DO do it, I'll be so tired before I get to work and I doubt I can withstand the first 4 hours of work when I know I have 6 more to go =/ Not cool. Not cool at all. But I will try. I have classes at 8 am and its about the environment. Why I chose that class? Because I care for the environment!! Also, the teacher has the same name as a close friend of mine :P I know, Im an idiot but hey, at least Im doing something Im partially passionate about. That HAS to count for something. Hm, if I do complete that side task tomorrow, I get to use my new kick-ass bag.....should I do it? Or shouldnt I? Hm.......tough tough choice. Meh, I'll sleep on it.

* To do or not to do....that is THE question *

Take that Hamlet.

2005-11-03T10:29:00.000+08:00

Ever since school started, I've gone through quite a number of revelations. Actually, the revelations started when the term break started. Its just the ones over the past few days have had more impact on me than the ones during the holidays cos I was too busy with work to worry about anything else. One thing that hit me really hard was the fact that I did put on weight even when I was working non-stop. Maybe I've been eating alot under all that stress from work, that I did put on a kilo or two over the past month. Kinda depressing to think about it but I can always lose it and keep it off with exercise, which is something I havent done in a while apart from lifting heavy things just to keep my muscles there and my arms firm *LOL* Yeah, I love my muscles. Still do. Would never trade them for anything. Would trade them for thinner arms, though :P

Anyone want to be my exercise buddy? I mean, we will just do cardio-based exercises. Nothing else. After we run, you can go take a shower while I hit the gym and do afew toning exercises for my arms and thighs. Hm, maybe I should start going to the gym after school on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I mean I dont plan on working those days of the week so I might as well dedicate it to some healthy activity at the gym and then go home to study right? I think its good plan. I can actually lose 4 kilos in 2 months if I keep at it. Guess I've got my schedule planned out :) Hot body, here I come. You cant run from me.

Oh, Fitri and I found a stranded handphone on the bus yesterday and Im gonna return it to the owner today. Thing is, I dont know his name nor do I have any form of identification. All I know is that he has a security code for him phone so no one can switch it on after the battery dies and also he will pick it up from the police post in Sembawang this evening. So, before I head down to town with Chantel, I have to drop by the police post first. Oh well, its up to him to pick it up then *shrug* I did my part as a good and honest citizen.

Friday is gonna be hell for me. I will not be home for a whole 24hrs because I've got classes at 8am and then I have to go down to Temasek Poly to get my registration forms and after that Im covering a 10hr shift at United Square. I'll only be home at 4 or 5 am, on a Saturday morning. Saturday shows no mercy either cos Im working from 4 - 1am at Marina Square. Thank God I have my Sunday off or else I'll be even more sick than I am now. Also, Thank God David doesnt know Im working cos I've been sick for the past week and am kinda having some difficulties hearing with my left ear. So, he has been on my case, poking me to go see a doctor <_< Honey, I WILL see a doctor. Just stop nagging me to do so. I'll be FINE.

I think I got high yesterday night. I was having a splitting headache and took 3 panadols plus some cough syrup before I headed off to bed at around 11:30 *gasp* YES, I WENT TO BED THAT EARLY, and around 2am, I started feeling really funny. It was as if my body was all relaxed and my brain had a very floaty sorta feeling..... I was feeling light-headed and unusually happy. So, I *THINK* I was high. It was nice while it lasted. Dont intend to get high in the near future. I just lied through my straight teeth.

My parents and I were watching "Sister Act 2" yesterday on Star Movies (God bless them for having kick-ass movies) and one of the characters forged her signature so that she could enter a competition. My parents then asked me whether I've done such a thing before and I just smiled cos I remember doing it a couple of times in primary school. Heck, I even helped forge my friend's parents signatures for them :P I didnt forge their signatures on my report cards or books but it was merely on small things like workbooks, tests and files where we file up all our worksheets and stuff. I got screwed really badly when one of the signatures looked like crap and my teacher kept me back for a whole hour just to yell at me. As in REALLY yell at me. In front of the other teachers. I was such a rebel. I was like, the total opposite of my sister. She was a prefect and a good student and had the respect of all the teachers. I was.....the rebellious little sister. Thats all I remember. Even if I went back today, they would remember my sister's name and not mine. People have a habit of not remembering me. Kinda sad but hey, not everyone wins in life. Im one of the losers in this God forsaken human cestpool.

* I dont wanna be anything other than me *

2005-11-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

It just occured to me that this is the ultimate break up song. Strange but still, one of my all time favourite songs :) Peace

"A Beautiful Mistake"

by The Ataris

Maybe I'm not ready for this, and you know it.

Maybe I'm too scared to tell you what I'm really thinking

It's not fair to stay together because of regrets we might have.

I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?

I'm only trying to be completely honest.

So I guess this is the ending or a beautiful mistake.

And if we both agree that we shouldn't be together why does it hurt so much?

I feel like I lost my closest friend.

I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?

I hope you're happy and completely lonely.

There I am standing all alone on Sydney Harbor Bridge.

And you know I would jump into the fucking ocean if it meant I was truly capable of being satisfied.

Well I ever be?

Did I just give up the best thing I ever had?

I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?

I hope you're happy and completely lonely.

I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?

I'm only trying to be completely honest.

Thanks to AzraelPumpkin@hotmail.com for these lyrics

[ www.plyrics.com ]

Festival of Lights

2005-11-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

So, today, or more like yesterday was Deepavali aka The Festival of Lights. I witnessed a tenth of my family clan and was shocked to the bone. Literally. Today for the first time in so many annual Deepavalis, did I have so many people over at my place ranging from family, to friends, to parent's accquaintences. It was mind-blowing. My sister and I were totally freaked out by the number of humans in our house and were sharing the same amount of shudders when we sat down for 2 seconds to share our thoughts.

Its amazing what no contact with other families does to you. You only remember them when you were 5 and 13 years later, you see them again and they have kids of their own, they look so much older and they can barely recognize you. When you're young, you always have that thought that the people around you will always remain and look the same after you have grown up, but as always, the naive mind is wrong in its most subtle of ways and you get a very gentle nudge after a certain period of time. All I can say is "Heh....kids"

I saw her today after almost a month of not seeing her at all. It was nice and different. She still looks as amazing as ever and she hugged me like there was no tomorrow which brought a very painful tinge to my heart cos it made me realize how much I missed her. She said we should talk about whats going on between the both of us and ended off with "I dont want us to end in divorce" I couldnt help but smile at her use of language and sentence. She and I share the same morbid sense of humor only hers is easier to laugh at. People dont really get my jokes unless they know me really well cos sometimes I can be really sarcastic with my jokes and people just have a hearty laugh over it while I have my own little fun twisting the joke around with my words. The English language is a fun thing to play with. We had a pretty good time at lunch at her place. Kevin was there to annoy everyone, as usual. Nothing surprising from him but thats why we love him so much. Its cos he is just Kevin. I pray that my child or my child's child should NEVER carry that name uness his personality lives up to it. I played or more like witnessed my first MahJong (sp?) game today and it was pretty interesting. I was merely mesmerized at how they moved the tiles around and kept going "Pong" or "Kang". Similar to Jim Rummy but more colourful and fun. I should try it one day, with supervision of course.

The Gang came over today. This is The Gang from Poly. A group of very wacky but intensely smart people who know how to have fun and share a laugh. There is never a dull moment with them cos everyone has something weird to say and theres always a counter response that keeps things going. When I talk about The Gang, Im talking about Fitri, PH, Kesh and Maan. June came along too and she is my loyal Mike Shinoda/Linkin Park worshipper whom I love spending occasional afternoons talking about how jealous we are of Mike's Greek wife and how hot he is. We are such psycho-fangirls but hey, the world and the celebrities need them to keep up their rep and fanbase. Without us, they would be NOTHING. We had fun over a couple of snacks, bubbling cocktail and a move and a half on my laptop with its sucky sound system. PH had her thirst for curry quenched. That girl amazes me at how much curry she wants and can have and can finish. I feel ashamed to be an Indian when Im having a prata beside her. She finishes her bowl of curry while mine sits with only a quarter of it finished. I should invite her to my wedding in future. She will be in Curry Heaven. Literally.

Kevin and Spencer popped by for a bit to hang out. Spencer's a total punk and a total friend. We used to hate each other's guts a long ass time ago but I guess the tables turned over time and we are pretty close now. He's almost like a close friend just that we dont spend alot of time together. Even when we do, its full of fun, foolishness and a total insult-fest. I just love how we make fun of religion. He is one of the few people I would call on to crash a church event. Aaron would be another guy, of course :P

Speaking of Aaron. He's become a really close friend over the last 3 months and he is one of the greatest guys I know to date. Both of us are in long-distance relationships and we have been there for each other almost every single step of the way. Maybe its cos we are just 12 hours apart, it makes it easy for us to talk whenever we want so if we have a problem, we always have someone to talk to. He's a really sweet guy and his girlfriend, Sharon, is the luckiest girl alive right now. So lucky. Yes, Aaron, you can gloat if you want :P I'll see you in hell, man.

Haha.

Its an inside joke xD

Theres more to say...but I've got classes at 8am and I need my sleep.

* You may never read this, but I love you *

2005-10-30T21:18:00.000+08:00

The teenage soul is a funny thing created by God and manifested by Man himself. We can be happy at one point and totally drowned in misery at one point. Beyond these two sentences, I have nothing to say. Peace.

2005-10-24T11:53:00.000+08:00

Its been a whole year. 365 days.We've been together for that long and I hope we have many more to come cos I love you :)

2005-10-22T01:54:00.000+08:00

I sometimes wonder whether you have time for me. Cos all I know is that when school starts, I wont have time for you. I'll make time but I cant afford to stay up till 4am so that we can talk and hang out and yes, I stay up JUST to hang out with you even if Im sick or too tired to do anything. So yeah. Thats all I want to say.

2005-10-15T04:40:00.000+08:00

She fuckin' hates me.
End.
If she reads this, she doesnt have to feel bad cos I do keep track on what she writes and I am still concerned for her. Its just that its weird now and I dont know what to do. She has problems of her own and when we try to talk it out, she says that she doesnt expect me to understand. So, what now?
*sigh*
Nevermind.

2005-10-11T01:49:00.000+08:00

SIGH

2005-10-10T16:02:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since i've updated this thing.

First thing's first : I want to apologise to the Ngee Ann Dragon Boat Team for not turning up on Sunday morning to watch them race. Believe me, I was looking forward to it but I only got home at 5am after work and I couldnt move a muscle nor hear the alarm that Sunday morning but I heard the ladies team did well, so kudos to you guys and kick butt in the up and coming Regatta. My heart is still very much with the team and I do miss the times where we run under the hot Singapore sun with our cheers and sheer determination. Its just one of those things in life not everyone goes through and I was lucky enough to be part of the whole experience even if only for a short while.

I dont really fancy blogspot all that much cos its so old school. I prefer my MySpace account. Not alot of people know about it and they arent going to so yeah. Mew. Its a lazy Monday afternoon. She was supposed to call me about the chalet but as usual, I dont get a call so whatever. I need my Monday to rest up cos I've been on the go since last Thursday and Im dog tired plus I havent been getting much sleep since ever and my body and mind are pretty much fried up.

Oh yeah, the whole seeing David thing is a no-go cos of the whole financial situation. So, I will just put my money into my school account and make use of it. Will be going down to TP tomorrow morning to get that registration form thing so that I can sign up for my desired course in November. Yeah, intakes are in November till end January 2006. Wish me luck cos during that period, there will be The Interview plus I will be juggling stupid IT at the same time at Ngee Ann <_<>

God, how I LOATHE IT.

Believe Me, Natelie

2005-10-04T12:00:00.000+08:00

Bumped into afew people I missed dearly from Dragon Boat namely Mel, Shuling and Odel. I was really nice seeing them and seeing that they are all well and still as spunky as ever :) More power to you guys!!
My pay this month is gonna be pretty big
I miss hanging out with Fitri and Chantel
I went shopping yesterday and spent enough to make me not spend another cent :P
I cant spend this month's pay
I gotta talk to my dad but Im scared to death
I might be seeing David in two weeks =)

BABY SHOWER!!!

2005-09-30T15:11:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD IM GONNA BE AN AUNTY!!! WOOT~!!!

For those who know me and my twisted mind, say it with me

"Oh my god they did it!!"

roller-coaster

2005-09-25T21:16:00.000+08:00

"There are some things we cant touch or pursue ....."

2005-09-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

Ooooookay. Its been a long week. Long, but fast. I remember being tired most of the time and also my performance at work wasnt all that fantastic but still, I love my job and I will try my best to do things to the best of my ability. Lily, my store manager, will be leaving the system next October. I almost cried when she said that but I held back and shut my trap. I didnt want to bawl and say "DONT GO!! DONT FUCKING GO!!" but hey, I told you I shut my trap. Shes got a better job offer and I know she'll be fucking amazing and that she will definitely turn heads. So I say, GOOD LUCK AND TURN MANY MANY HEADS!!! Im gonna miss her. I mean, I dont know her all that well but she's grown on me after working with her for like a month or so. I know Farid and I were like "Oh no, not again" but hey, when you have to go, you have to go. Its like going to the toilet. If you tahan too long, you surely crap in your pants. Anyways, Im done being starstruck though it STILL sends a shiver down my spine thinking that he actually asked me to go for his concert and that he'd reserve a ticket for me. HOWEVER, I couldnt go cos I was working and this customer of mine, she was so sweet...she actually made an effort to ask him for his autograph and gave it to me xD I feel so honored and happy and totally blown away. Its not everyday you get to talk to a HOT saxophonist and also get his autograph afew days later :P Ima lucky gal. It was my dad's birthday yesterday and we had fun. We ordered pizza, had the most wonderful chocolate cake and a nice time at the family table. Trust me, we have a family table but we NEVER use it unless its a special occasion. Yesterday was a special occasion and the table was fully utilized. I really liked the whole family thing. It was nice but I know that I'd get sick of it if it happened every damned day. But it was nice. Im not a family girl. I can tell you that.

~~Star Struck ~~

2005-09-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

OH MY GAWD, I MADE A SHORT CAPPUCCINO FOR JOSHUA REDMAN!!!!

http://www.joshuaredman.com/

AND HE IS SOOOOOO HOT!!!

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart when your going to be in there for a long time

2005-09-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" usingdifferent size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and,then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! '

Listening to : Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee

2005-09-17T20:46:00.000+08:00

Mention Amy Lee and you'd see him turning to jelly right before your eyes. Never mind him for now, lets talk about today. Saturday, September 17 2005. I spent most of the day in bed or in front of the television drowning myself with movies and cartoons. Today, I specially requested for a leave cos it was a friend's birthday and I thought we'd be hanging at her place having lunch and just....hanging out. But that didnt happen cos her mom hadn't cooked much and she herself was feeling pretty much miserable. Did I mention I spent most of my day feeling guilty and angry at the same time? And that I was fightning between leaving the house to go somewhere.....anywhere just to get away and even leave my mobile phone at home? Basically I wanted company and at the same time, I wanted to be alone. To just rest and get my strength back. I've been worked to the bone since Tuesday serving lattes, cappuccinos, frappuccinos, bagels, cakes and ice water, all with a smile on my face and me silently biting my lip inside trying to refrain from throwing the water into the customer's face. Still, I love my job and its just some of the things that come with being in the service line. Always smile. Say Cheese and fucking die you bastards.
Moving on with the guilty part. I just couldnt help but feel guilty cos I couldnt afford to buy anything cos most of my money went to phone bills and that I couldnt at least make her birthday a teensy bit memorable. I mean, I had a shitty 18th birthday.....I didnt want her to have a shitty 18th cos I know how it feels and it kills me that she has had one. She's a special girl and she deserves the world cos she's smart and beautiful. Not to mention as crazy as a walnut. And I like walnuts. So I love her to bits. Walnuts go well when covered with melted chocolate. Thats a guilty pleasure recepie for today. I sorta had something planned for her but hearing her broken voice on the phone and hearing that she was gonna spend most of the day in bed, made me want to stay in bed, and I did, sleeping for god knows how long. I was angry cos he kept bugging me to go out and Im thinking "You wanna go out when its her birthday".....fucking bastard. I know I have not gone out with you in a while and this week alone, I couldnt make it to two outings but please Im not fucking wonder woman (wish I was...LOL) but yeah, Im not wonder woman and I cant do a million things at a time. I have my priorities and I cant always compromise to you just cos you are bored. Go fuck a tree. Leave me alone when I tell you Im busy cos whem Im busy Im REALLY busy. Dont fucking beg me on the phone and irritate the life out of me. When I go out with you, I want to be the willing party to be going out and genuinely have fun instead of having the feeling of being forced and bored. Go study for your damned exams. Keep you mind busy. We have the rest of our lives to go out and watch the movies YOU want to watch. When I think about it, all I've done is compromise so that you'll get off my back. Sometimes I just want to have nothing to do with you. Now Im wondering whether I should do that. Everyone should move on in life right? Sometimes they have to let things go along the way right? Call me a bitch but its actually crossing my mind right now. All the years of putting up with you and your sick shit. I've almost had enough. People say Im too nice.....I've resented that for so long and now, its starting to make sense. I always want to make things easier for the people around me and also make them smile but I suffer in the end not because of them but because of the shit I put myself through just to get the recognition I want and the results I want. I end up tired and I resent almost everything around me. Im like an onion. I think everyone is like an onion. Kinda like what Shrek said. We all have layers. On the outside is what we potray to the world. The second layer would be the angst. Third would be the longing that we crave...like to love and be loved and to be held when times go bad and be told that things will be okay. Below that layer would be even more underlying anger.....the type where you would say "i did this for you but you did not do the same thing back".....I dont know how to explain it but if you took a day off and really thought about it, you'd be surprised at how many layers you have. I think I'll put my layers down on paper and then surprise myself. I've got lots more to say but nothing is really crossing my mind cos I have something else bugging me and that could take a while to talk about. Anyways, today, like I said, is a special someone's birthday and I just want to wish her Happy Birthday again from the bottom of my itty bitty widdle heart.

2005-09-16T00:23:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Only One by Yellowcard

I like this song. Especially the video. Its so chaotic, yet so violent. Couple of things have happened over the past few days. Sometimes I wonder why people even have friends when they think that their friends dont seem to care. Okay, so the rest are total lameass dodos who are just there to have fun with but darling, there are those who are still there whether you need them or not and you know that their line is open 24/7. Its the whole different school thing and the whole different lifestyle that keeps us from having the usual talks and fun that we used to have. I remembered your 18th birthday and I did send you a message in the wee hours of the morning, hoping you'd reply but, I never got a reply back. Something at the back of my mind thought that something was wrong but the other part of me just thought that you'd be spending time with your usual bunch of friends so, I shrugged it off. I mean, there have been times when I sms-ed and never got a reply back. Kinda got used to it. I apologize for not coming by with the nail-polish remover. I was flat out of that dangerous mind-numbing liquid. Plus, I wouldnt want you getting high before your paper =D I just read your blog before typing out this entry and part of me feels guilty that I was not there to give you a muffin or surprise you with a cake on your doorstep. Seeing as how upset you were on your blog, made me want to run across the street, bang your door down and give you a big big hug. Big big nice nice mah.....=P We'll celebrate both our birthdays together. You still owe me, remember? I'll put aside a date just for you. Gimme a call anytime,ya? Want to send e-mail but the stupid Hotmail always got script error. Like never die before. Heh, I still remember that phrase. Its the funniest thing. Still brings a smile to my face. Eh you ah, better return my calls if not I flood your brain with nail polish.

And YOU, MISTER!! (dont worry 13th September birthday girl...its not you) School start already never come online. I talk Singlish here ah......so much at ease for now. Anyways, YOU AH....bloody hell. I send dunno how many e-mail only reply one. Okay lah, I thank you for replying BUT STILL...start school got pretty girl, forget me already. I see you next year, I break my slipper whacking you.

LoL, that was SO Singlish of me.....and I actually enjoyed typing that xD

2005-09-11T22:27:00.000+08:00

So the two papers are over and there is one more to go. Do I care? No....but I still have to care since Im staying the next semester. I've done avsolutely nothing today other than just watch David Spade movies and take showers...oh, and eat. I've been eating alot of tuna today and it has been both uplifting and boring at the same time. Oxymoronic? You said it, sister....or brother...or dude. So I got home onlyat 5am today. My mom was cooking and also getting ready for work which made me laugh. Its as if I did the nightshift at work and it was her turn to make some cash. Differnce is, she's making a living while I, just do what I love to do.
Later.

2005-09-08T17:54:00.000+08:00

Right, so I helped out a friend in changing her blog skin and I had no idea it had music till she mentioned it. How dumb can I get? Hehe....but she liked it anyways and thats what counts, really. Her blog is SO bitchin.....SO BITCHIN....you bitch, you got a nicer blog than me....hehe. I love yous anyways. If you guys wanna go green with envy check out The Velvet Cat

2005-09-08T11:28:00.000+08:00

I am fluffy. Oh so fluffy. Feel the Fluff. Feel The Nell.
Think fluff. Think NELL.

2005-09-08T11:00:00.000+08:00

DB is tomorrow. Im sorta done with it but I know more people who have put in more effort into their studies than me. I just cant be bothered. Well, Im only partially bothered cos I loathe what Im doing and I cant believe I even made it to Year 2. I thought I'd be repeating Year 1 again but there is a high chance of me repeating OOP again. I hate it. I know there are alot of people out there who hate OOP too but at least they can still do the damned programme and get a decent grade. Im just.....clueless. None of it makes sense to me and it just....I think I've bored you with this rant before so I wont bother going through it again. Bottom line: OOP could possibly ruin my future.

"Put our names on the observation deck, on the Eiffle Tower".....

Thats actually a line from one of my all time favourite songs. Its "Looking Back On Today" by The Ataris. I think they are an Australian band with some pretty mean tunes but they arent that well known. They should be well known cos they are good. Not that good but still, their lyrics are the sweetest things on the planet.

"Drink cheap wine and watch for shooting stars"....

Who else comes up with such a sweet line?!?! I would want to do that with my special someone. Cheap wine is fine but I think Root Beer is the best thing. Wine just makes you want to have sex and it is very tempting to do it on the hood of the car but I have my pride and Im a person who like cushions and comfort so wine on a picnic date is a BIG NO-NO.

Did you know "No-No" means breast?
Kinda like "Nip-Nip" which also means breast but is not defined in the dictionary or any other form of English text cos its a word made up by a baby. Babies are such pervs, arent they?
Mama, your nip-nips are BIG O_O

Just casual scenario. Nothing explicit. Just underaged semi-porno talk. The world is doome after that. No wait, its already doomed just that no one is really taking that much of a notice. Hurrican Katrina? People raping and beating each other up in the Astrodome? Many looting and stealing? Powerplants exploding and sending the skies into blazes of devilish red and orange? Poisonous smoke?

Wake up and smell the carbon dioxide.

2005-09-07T02:39:00.000+08:00

I bought a sweater today that was worth every count of $17.4o and that sweater is gonna last me for a long while because its made of polyester and cotton and its uberly warm.

Talk to me........

I miss Dragon Boat...... =(

2005-09-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

My chest feels like its gonna explode from so many things.
Jealously.
Happiness.
Curiosity.
Sheer emptiness.

Okay, I just took a deep breath. Im not jealous anymore. I mean, its his card right? So, enjoy it while it lasts till the last few minutes die out then he wont be able to call me for an entire eternity. Whatever, I'll just continue working hard to save up.

So many good things have happened since Wednesday. I cant help but look forward to work everytime =)

2005-09-04T00:32:00.000+08:00

I think Im a freak.
I get jealous real easy.
I mean, ever since he got his card, he has called her more times than me.....and I cant help but feel really really jealous and sorta hurt but part of me thinks Im being all control-freak like and stupid.
*twitch*

2005-09-02T00:04:00.000+08:00

Things are better now. I mean, the same problems are there but things are much much better now. Thanx Chantel, for being patient and understanding and for listening even when I was being a grade A jerk. School was a blur this week. I dont really remember all of the lessons. All I know is that my OOP is fucked. Totally fucked. I know that I'll get like....a C+ each for my business foundations and networking fundamentals modules. I can safely say that those grades are for real. OOP and DB.....a lil doubtful about DB but I KNOW Im gonna screw OOP over. Its a strange subject to study and I dont even know why people bother studying codes -_-''
Starbucks United Square opened today....or more like, yesterday and things were great. The people who mean the world to me were there. My mom, sister, Vincent, Jennifer, Fitri and Maan.....all of them were there and it really made my day. Thank you SO much for coming down and joining in on the celebrations :) I cant wait to work tomorrow. I mean, Im going to be doing the second closing and its REALLY exciting cos Lilly said that she'll pay her closer extra if they do a good job. I cant wait cos I think my closing is pretty alright. Lynn told me that mine was good and told me to keep it up ^_^ I told you I loved my job and today, I met the Partners Resource (person), Yee Ling and shes a REALLY nice lady together with Belinda. Yee Ling gave me one of the Green Apron Book's cards.....its the Be Genuine card and I was really surprised and shocked and happy at the same time. It would be my second Green Apron card and I cant wait to get the other 3 more...I mean after you get one, you'll feel really good about yourself....hehe....and I feel really good about myself right now :)

2005-08-31T05:27:00.000+08:00

and just like that, it was over.....
I'll live anyways....

2005-08-30T22:36:00.000+08:00

I gave flowers to a certain someone as a gift to someone for their birthday......hehe. She liked it. Yes, its a SHE. Aiyah, I think you guys know lah so I dont have to beat around the bush since they are green and leafy and have absolutely NOTHING to do with birthdays OR flowers. So, if you are THAT slow, it means I aint gonna tell you who the flowers were for.
Mwahaha.
Sucker xP

I cant wait to open up Starbucks United Square!! I mean, its like....the bestest place to be in Novena cos its a GLASS CAFE and its like......ULTRA COOL *_*
Come on down and join in the celebrations :) Its THIS THURSDAY 1 SEPTEMBER 2005

2005-08-30T13:30:00.000+08:00

Someday

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren´t we able
To see the signs that we missed
and tried to turn the tables?
I wish you´d unclench your fists
and unpack your suitcase
Lately there´s been too much of this,
but don´t think it´s too late
Nothin´s wrong just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow I´m gonna make it alright,
but not right now
I know you´re wondering when
(You´re the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow I´m gonna make it alright,
but not right now
I know you´re wondering when
And I hope that since we´re here anyway,
we can end it, saying
Things we´ve always needed to say,
so we can end up staying
Now the story´s played out like this
just like a paperback novel
Let´s rewrite an ending that fits
instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothin´s wrong just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow I´m gonna make it alright,
but not right now
I know you´re wondering when
(You´re the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow I´m gonna make it alright,
but not right now
I know you´re wondering when
(You´re the only one who knows that)
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren´t we able
To see the signs that we missed
and tried to turn the tables?
I wish you´d unclench your fists
and unpack your suitcase
Lately there´s been too much of this,
but don´t think it´s too late
Nothin´s wrong just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow I´m gonna make it alright,
but not right now
I know you´re wondering when
(You´re the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow I´m gonna make it alright,
but not right now
I know you´re wondering when
(You´re the only one who knows that)
I know you´re wondering when
(You´re the only one who knows that)
I know you´re wondering when

2005-08-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

3 days
What the hell, man?
I just want to vomit right now.

2005-08-28T01:51:00.000+08:00

I love my job. Have I mentioned that before? I love my job. Its the only escape I have from whatever is happening right now. At work, I dont have to deal with friends, boyfriends or whatever. I just have to deal with customers and just hang loose with my fellow partners and do what I like to do. Im not saying that I dont like hanging out with my friends. Its just that when Im with them, I am reminded of things which I dont want to think about. For instance, school. I dont hate school. I LOATE school. I loathe every one of my lessons and I just....I just basically hate school with a passion cos I can never get the grade I want so somwhere along the way, I stopped trying. I just...completely stopped. I still do my assignments, though. Thats a must of else I'll be fucked over. I still love my friends though. Cant deny that fact. I just wish I could be as good as them when it comes to school work. Im always the below average one in the group. Its kinda sad, really. When they go "Oh! I get it now!!" and when they explain it to me, I see no damned logic and just....I just dont get it at all. It just pisses me off big time. Thats why, I give up. Why even trying to understand something when you dont understand it at all from the start. Trust me, I tried studying. It didnt work. Why, because I just dont get it. I tried to. But it didnt work.
Then, theres the boyfriend. Fine. I love him. But sometimes I cant help but just not care because he's so far away and I BARELY get to talk to him. When I call, he's not home. Why? Cos he's out with his friends. Cant blame him, really. I mean he has a life...jsut like me. Mine revolves around work and dreadful school. His, for the moment, revolves around hanging out with his friends and his music. No news about his job. I w0uldnt want to hear it either. It would just mess me up even more. Sometimes at night, I cant help but think about him. I mean, c'mon, if you love someone, you will think about them right? I do that so, its no fucking crime. I just wish he would do the calling more often. My money is running low and both my bills are a month overdue. I have to spend at least $100 on my phone bills alone every month. Honestly, Im finding it really hard for me to see him next year. Im finding it really really hard. He just got back from Wales. Okay, Im excited. Finally, I'll get to talk to him and tell him stuff. But no, when Chantel called me up to tell me that he is online, I honestly couldnt care. I just wanted to be alone cos I had too much on my mind to even think about talking to anyone but I went on instead for the sake of talking to him. We talked for 30 minutes. I went off cos I had to get ready for work. The talk was pretty dense and slow. He was excited to see me but I felt guilty cos I wasnt. I just wanted to be alone. Yeah right, as if I wasnt alone enough this week, I still choose to be alone. Strange, huh? I didnt even want to talk to Aaron, Dylan or Ju.....and I usually yack the night away with those fellas.....I just feel things are a lil out of place at the moment and as much as I want to hear David's voice on the other line, I cant. I always seem to call when he's out and he always comes on when Im asleep. What am I to do?

~*~*~*~*~SPECIAL NOTE~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Anyways, Fitri darling, its your birthday today and you're 18. I wish you all the best. To me, you are smart, beautiful and all around, universally phenominal. Plus, you're one of the coolest women I know. Thank God for you. Happy 18th Birthday, dear.

2005-08-26T10:02:00.000+08:00

Im scared. I've never been this scared before. I talked to my dad about me changing courses and he didnt say alot, which means that he obviously thinks its crazy. I was doing most of the talking, or more like mumbling cos I was already trembling in my seat, not knowing what to do if he says that he wont allow me to do what I want, but all he asked was "How do you know that you will get a spot in that college?".....I wanted to cry. I dunno. I just wanted to. I can be all big-head and say "I just know I will get it"....cos I know that I might not. I remember that talk I had with my mentor. He whipped out my O'Level results and said that he wasnt comfortable with me changing because my grades werent that fantastic. He feels that I might not get it. I wanted to cry then but I didnt. I wouldnt allow myself to do that because I know that if I want it bad enough, I will get it but in this situation, I cant tell. I cant be all confident and say that I will get it cos its so unpredictable. Im not regretting my O'Level results. Im just regretting not changing courses when I had the chance in the beginning of year one. I dont know. Im just lost. What if this move will destroy the rest of my life ahead of me? ....... What am I going to do then?

2005-08-25T08:57:00.000+08:00

Hehe....Yay~!!
David's back, David's back from WALES!!! I could go on chanting that the whole day but I'd rather not.
ECID IS OVER...well, maybe for the presentation but ECID IS OVER!!! DX <---- war cry
We stayed back till like....10pm or so JUST to link up the entire website. Manm, linking is hard and very tedious. Not to mention annoying too.

Meh, I dont feel like writing. The entry is pretty pointless anyways.

Ciao

2005-08-24T12:45:00.000+08:00

Maan is disgusting.....bluek >_<

Dear Irman....

2005-08-23T17:35:00.000+08:00

HELLO MAAN!!!

=D

I WILL MISS YOU WHEN IM GONE!!!

2005-08-22T23:16:00.000+08:00

Listening to : See You When You're 40 by Dido

There is just one last thing to do before us Year 2 IT students should do before we go off on our exam break. ECID assignment. Due on Wednesday, 24 August 2005. After that, its just 3 papers and we are done with the first semester of our Year 2 lives. It would spell the end for me cos I would be leaving, whether my mentor allows it or not. Heck, its my future anyways. I know he wants the best for me but hey, sometimes when you have to let go, you have to let go. But uh, I will miss my friends. Especially people like Fitri, Kannan and Pei Hui........Surprisingly, I'll miss the team too. Very much. I know I have ranted and raved about the team on the blog once or twice but they actually hold a very special place in my heart so, it would be a diabolical sin not to miss them. I do have a heart, you know. Im not an Ice Queen but if you fuck around with me, I'll blow icicles up your ass ^_^

Theres much I want to talk about but Im just......kinda at a loss for words at the moment. Maybe later.

2005-08-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

Do you have to go to Wales? Cant you like, tell them you are sick and suffering from the stomach flu? And that its really bad that if you move around too much, you'd explode and that they'd be resposible for their own son's death cos they wanted a holiday getaway?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Please?
*sigh*
Im gonna miss you like fuck.
Bleh, you know what I mean.
I still remember when you said that when I told you I had to go to Penang for 5 days.
Hehe.....at that moment it sounded awfully romantic xD
Call me strange but hey, thats me :P
Nevermind, its only a week.
Just a week.
7 days.
148 hours.
(Im not gonna bother about the minutes and seconds cos I DO have a life)
Eye <3 U

2005-08-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

Listening to : God Must Hate Me by Simple Plan

Right.
So I just have 2 more assignments and then Im done.
I just got two more Low Attendance warning letters. So for the next two lessons, I musnt absent myself at all. I mean, my mentor is gonna have my head. With me wanting to leave and everything, he is gonna flip and slice my head off with his memory stick.
Anyways, I was enjoying the daily dose of this online comic called "Dominic Deega" and the author/creator, Mookie has done an awesome so far and today's strip touched me in a way I almost cried my eyes out in front of my friends.

Check out this awesome comic at : http://www.dominic-deegan.com/

The strip Im talking about is the one on 18 August 2005. Trust me, even if you are not a follower of this comic, this strip will touch you in one way or another. It just reminded me of something which I am lucky to have. Very lucky, I might add.

You know, its funny when you leave a place for a long time and then return, you find a huge rush of memories coming back to you in an instant and when you see old monuments of your teenhood being torn down, you cant help but feel sad that such a great place is going to be rubble, along with the memories and the experiences that came along with it.

Yeah, I love my life...... <3

2005-08-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Privilege by Incubus

for the love of god, if you are stressed, stop telling people you will kill them. you are NOT the only person on this earth dying from stress. do you have ANY idea what its like to deal with people who cant seem to make it for meetings and who keep venting out on you about them having to cancel their precious working hours JUST to meet up?? THATS COMMITTMENT!! A WILLINGNESS TO MAKE A BLOODY SACRIFICE SO THAT YOU WILL GET A FUCKING GRADE TO GET YOU THROUGH SCHOOL AND INTO A FUCKING UNIVERSITY SO THAT IN FUTURE, YOU WILL HAVE A COMFY LIFE WITH A JOB AND MONEY AND MAYBE, IF GOD IS NICE TO YOU, A SEX LIFE.

Okay. That was rant number 1.
Oh oh oh....dont worry. Theres rant number 2.
You see, I dont rant much on my blog. I merely write down or more like TYPE down my thoughts and feelings and maybe even throw in a sub zero freezing joke to lighten the mood of something that has been induced with mindless thoughts or maybe something ingenius and maybe even unoriginal.
Hm, that was rant number 2.
I am good at hiding things, arent I?

Want more? Okay.
Presenting rant number 3.

OH MY GOD!

Ya know what? Never mind rant number 3. Thats more personal.
Thats your one in a million negative input for one day. Think about it. 365 days in a year. IF we had a negative input for each day, we would be very very very sorry humans who have NO LIVES. Oh, Im sorry......humans have already reached that level.

THAT was rant number 3.

Oh? Angry, arent we?

Guess what?

NOT MY PROBLEM!!

2005-08-16T09:54:00.000+08:00

Things I should be happy about:

Im not depressed
The DB assignment is over
I love my job
My clothes still fit
My fever and cold are gone

Things that piss the hell out of me:

My lower back
My weight
My pimples
Thin people who tell me they are fat

Word of advice to you "thin-fat" people : See a shrink.

2005-08-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Nowhere Fast by Incubus

Right. Im going through some stuff you sent to me and also to the numerous e-mail replies I got from you no matter how pointless mine were to begin with. Things have been okay so far. There were times when everything was just perfect beyond imagination and there were times where we almost let things crumble. Most of it was my fault and most of it was because of what we have gotten ourself into. The emotional turmoil. The distance, something in which we have to cope with everyday till that one fine day when things will work out and for at least 2 weeks be everything that we dream of. God and only you know how much I want it to happen.

2005-08-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

Im kinda looking around for alternative places to go to if I (touch wood) dont get into TP next year. Im keeping my options open but I have made up my mind that I want to leave at the end of the semester. Im keeping my options open and if it means that I have to work my butt off just to pay for my school fees, I will.

I have a load of assignments piled up on my back, just like everyone else. Mine are due just side by side each other, which is frustrating. Like Shirlyn said "TO HELL WITH ASSIGNMENTS!!"

But, Im gonna do them anyways.

2005-08-13T01:43:00.000+08:00

Right.

Aaron is seeing Sharon next month
Law is seeing Courtney in October
Cosnett has already seen Heather ( SO ADORABLE TOGETHER!! )
Haze will be seeing Deb in December

You have no idea what Im rambling on about huh? Those people up there are in long-distance relationships and thing is, they get to see their "other" person this year while I have to wait till the end of next year to do it. And it kills me with jealousy.

Oh well.

2005-08-13T01:24:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Jody by Del Shannon

I have no idea who they are but this CD box set was a christmas gift from 3 or 4 years ago from Chantel and Kevin. I still listen to the CDs they gave me once in a while. Anyways, I was just looking through the track listings, and they are just so messed up but the songs are nice anyways. Kinda makes me forget about some of the bad stuff and just remember the good. Thats what the old songs always do. They just remind you of the good things. Like Paul Anka's "Put Your Head On My Shoulder" was an amazing song. Very romantic, very sweet, always reminds me of David. Always. And even with the distance and the constant reminder that he isnt here, that song makes me forget that hard part and just reminds me of the good things we have. We have really nice conversations....most of them made retarded by yours truly but still, it just puts a smile on my face.

I was a machine gun today. I sneezed like every 3 minutes in 4 hours. Can you imagine how red my nose was and how puffy my eyes were in the end? I was a wreck. Even some of the girls in class were like "You seem a little on egde", "Are you okay? You seem quiet"....haha imagine that. I am actually the noisy one...or I make useful noise lah xP
Plus my face is a total disaster. I have like 3 big pimples on my left cheek and one HUGE pimple on my chin. ON MY FREAKIN CHIN WHERE PEOPLE CAN SEE IF I TILT MY HEAD UP TO SMILE AT THEM!!! >_<
I popped it, by the way....and it hurts like fuck. And it bled. Like crazy. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ALOT OF BLOOD FROM ONE TINY FUCKING HOLE?!?! You can have a close look at my pimple if you want ^_^ I bet it'll happily bleed away causing me more agony and giving it more exposure but being the world's most disgusting zit. EVER.
Right. Fuck that.

I met someone on the train today. We had a lovely conversation. Left the impression of making loads of money in future. Again. Her name is Theresa and she has 4 sisters. She had lunch with 2 of them in town and she works in Paya Lebar but lives near the Newton MRT station. Shes in her early 40's, I believe and shes just really nice. She's Catholic too. Chinese as well. Speaks well. She encourages me to go ahead and change courses ^_^

I have to wake up early tomorrow. I have a hidden agenda.

2005-08-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

You cant call me
Your dad took out the computer
Even if you did call me, you cant stay on for long
Your curfew is early
And you cant leak anything out
And you have a crappy fucked-up job

......I wish that list never existed

2005-08-09T12:19:00.000+08:00

For the first time, I feel like Im not running away from everything that is holding me back or thats scaring me. I mean, I know what I want and things are sorta falling into place. People are shocked that Im leaving and some are calling me crazy and inwardly are thinking that Im stupid for wasting 1.5 years in a school. But hey, Im a late bloomer, as I've said before and in the end, I'll smell good. The rarest flower is the one that will smell the sweetest. Hehe, I got that off from a cartoon called Recess. Its actually one of my favourite cartoons from Disney and it was said by a 4th grader. Mind you, he is 9, fat and very sensitive. Very good with words too........Will edit this post later. Till then, happy panties xD

2005-08-05T00:47:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Knockin' On Heaven's Door by Guns N Roses

Spoken to my mom. Spoken to my sister. Spoken to a few other people.
All of them said the same thing but in the end, they said "Go for it". So Im gonna go for it and get all the information I can get my hands on about this course.
Its pretty much all planned out and I dont have any doubts about it. All I have to do is pray that when I do go for the interview, that I will get it.
Think about it. One of the carrer opportunities is working in a museum. With me going to Uni and wanting a degree in History, it will be a dream come true. I can be one of the people working in the History Department at the Museum. Its pretty exciting to think about it. My mom feels that I should go for it but like others, she said that I wasted a year and a half......but I dont think I can hold on any longer. I'd much rather do what I like and then benefit from it. So, I guess.....Sepetmeber would be my last month in Ngee Ann. Theres no turning back now. But wait, I still have to talk to my dad so I gotta hold my breath for his verdict. Till then, everything is planned but undecided.

2005-08-04T15:27:00.000+08:00

Listening to : The Scientist by Coldplay

So, Im re-thinking my poly education.
Many might be wondering "What the fuck?"....but yeah. I have been in Ngee Ann almost a year and a half and now, of all the times, I am re-thinking my education path and choice. What can I say? Im a late bloomer. Always have been. So yeah, I gotta talk it over with my family and then apply for my desired course at another polytechnic. I cant go private cos it will be too expensive. If all goes well, I will be spending my last few months in Ngee Ann.

2005-08-04T01:55:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Green Eyes by Coldplay

So its almost 2 am and Im almost done with one of my documents. My target is to finish everything by 3am, latest being 3:30am. That way, I would be able to sleep by 4 and get up at 7, take a nice long shower and then head off to school for 4 miserable hours before meeting up with one of my seniors, telling them abt my back and heading home to study. I know....Im gonna study. I mean I do have plans but I have a feeling that I would have to start anew and from scratch so Im gonna make the best of this semester before doing anything drastic. I got a second opinion from Melissa and she was saying that I gotta think about it really hard and make sure that I dont regret making that decision cos it would suck. A lot.
My lower back is still swollen. Apparently the muscle relaxant thing isnt working and the doctor said that the muscles at the back are too tensed and vigorous activity could further strain and damage it........I hate this <_<

2005-08-03T01:50:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Pardon Me (Acoustic) by Incubus

You think your life is over and you think all hopes of ever doing well and having a bright future is going down the drain but you a dead wrong. They say every cloud has a silver lining right? Well, some of us fail to see it because our dark clouds are filled with so much soot that the silver lining is covered and can never be retrieved till some tears a shed to clean the soot away and see that silver lining sparkling away. All it takes is for the people whom you trust the most to tell you what you refused to hear from others and think about it while watching a movie by yourself at 1am.
I was lucky.
I had two people by my side the entire time.
Aaron, you my dawg man.....hehe
You see, what Aaron did was beyond amazing. I spewed a whole paragraph of problems and he summed it all into two sentences. Imagine how taken back I was and after reading those two sentences, he came up with a theory surrounding the factors of trust, spirit and faith. That did it. He summed my life and situation into 3 things that I refused to take into my life or rather the 3 things that I unconsciously threw away. Things are much clearer now and well, I have a better perspective of things. Though we've known each other for 2 months.....its like I've known him all my life and to find something that special with someone, is priceless. Thanx, Glomp Man.
Then theres Chantel.
She's like my link to life. Not the missing link. Just the one that has been there all along. Without her, I would have crashed and burned. Badly. I've been weird the past few days and she knows. She knew all along but me, being the egotistical baboon that I am, refused to spill cos I felt that I didnt want to "burden her with my problems"......pls tell me that Im a big-headed baffoon. Cos I know Im one....at least in this context lah. After Aaron's 3 Factors to Nell's Life, I came clean with Chantel and told her what I wanted to do...and she supports my decision. Thats something I need...and I know Im not the only one who needs support. Im sure everyone does in order to have that little flame of hope burning somewhere to keep them going. She's mine and so are a few other people in my life. Thank heavens for her.
Right now, Im a lil overwhelmed.
I guess it comes with the whole sense of clarity and the assurance that there is always something better out there for you no matter how much you tell yourself that there isnt anything.......

2005-08-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Let It Be by The Beatles

Ever wondered why money ran out so fast?
No matter how hard you work to keep it, it just slips away within seconds.
Ever wondered why you keep getting that recurring dream? Is it a sign? Is your life in danger? Or is your mind playing tricks on you?
I go with signs. Kinda believe in them.
Ever wondered why the Japanese anime girls have watermelon sized boobs with no nipples?
Maybe the Japanese dont like their women with nipples but like them with watermelon sized boobs.
A fetish of Asian men in its highest, most unreachable form?
Maybe.

Dammit, my lower back's swollen -_-

2005-08-02T17:50:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Mode of Adam by Dir En Grey

FYI: That song is in Japanese and sounds very disturbing with a mixture of circus themes, slamming gates, heavy guitars and drums. It has no lyrics just music and its pretty.....well, lets just say it leaves a lasting impression. Kinda conflicting and disturbing if you listen closely cos when you mix slamming gates and circus themes...you get a picture of a conflicted child. Not teenager but a child, clutching her ragdoll, standing in a pudding with her mud-stained dress and her long hair in messy knots, her dark eyes hollow and deep.

.....get the picture?

2005-08-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Undecided by Dir En Grey

Im just drifting through everything. My attendance in school is total crap, my interest in my studies is below subzero, and well, Im just drifting. When I think about it, its pretty depressing. I seem to find comfort in only writing, or reading while sipping on a hot cup of latte or hot cocoa. I have also started to make the effort to look presentable when I go out. I pay more attention to the condition of my skin. I actually pick out my clothes before I leave the house. Why? Cos I feel good when I do that and the clothes I pick out, are comfortable too. My other comfort would be work. Yeah, money is the main source of it all but when Im at work, I have a sense of purpose and I actually enjoy what I do and enjoy being with the people who are there. I dont have to worry about grades or anything else. I can just do what I have come to love and be at ease while still doing my job.
A friend of mine told me that if you wanna face life head on, you gotta go out of your comfort zone and brave the storm. I find that admirable but I know Im not the sort to do that. That makes me a coward in some ways. I get scared when things go out of balance or when things screw up. I plan to run away but sometimes I find myself staying and trying to solve it. I have taken up alot of things along the way in life and I have left them only half-completed. The other half was let go and dumped in the far corners of my mind. I dont remember completing anything and having a sense of fulfillment from it. None come to mind except for that one time when I ran from Sembawang to Yishun without stopping and ran back again. Thats the only memory I have of ever doing something that gave me a sense of fulfillment. The rest.....are just things that I know I have to do or things that would make others smile. I live off the happiness of others. I am happy, yes....the only reason Im happy is cos I always put others before me and try my level best to make them feel good about themselves.
I feel like a pest. Feeding off other people's sense of self.
Im not depressed. Im just being reflective and honest. There is a saying that goes "The truth always hurts" and its true. You have no idea how true that is.
Oh yeah, I passed my OOP, got a B for my ECID group project in which most of the credit should go to Kannan, Sandy and Irman. They did most of the work. I dont deserve that grade at all.
Why, you ask?
I just feel that I dont deserve it. I have my reasons.
Aaron will be meeting Sharon sometime next month. Im really happy for them. I mean, they met not long ago and are together plus Sharon's parents were cool enough to actually let Aaron come over for dinner, just that he has to drive 10 hours to do that but I know him and he'd do anything just to be by her side. A long-distance relationship within the same country. Romantic, isnt it?
I think so too.
Aaron, you lucky dawg. You lucky, lucky, lucky dawg. I should name you Lucky.
*kidding*
Dude, you know I love you xP
Come to think of long-distances.....I doubt I will have enough to fly off to the UK next year. Though it pains me to say this, I will only be able to do that after I graduate from Ngee Ann and have a couple of months to work and save up for just that one trip. Till then, I will have to trudge through the pool of loneliness.....Im in a relationship but Im single. Strange, isnt it?
Like CJ said, its all a test.
I hate tests.
I never really do well.
The only test I ever did well in was....erm...A Maths? Fuck, I dont remember. Did well in English though but please, for the love of God, any monkey can do well in English. Is this like a Tamil paper? Cos I got a C6 for my tamil and even if its my Mother Tongue, I never did well......yeah and Im Indian. Do you know how humiliating that is?
My child could be a clueless Indian just cos his mother never really bothered to do well in her Tamil papers. I fear for my child's cultural background. A lot.

2005-08-01T00:14:00.000+08:00

I put on 2 kilos. My stuff are getting tighter.
Sometimes I wish someone would randomly come up to me and give me $4000 and tell me to use it wisely. I would give my parents half of it in an instant and use the other half to fly off to the UK. I cant stand it. There is a very very familiar ache in my chest and I....Im sorta...I dont know.
I've downing more Vanilla Lattes recently along with Hot Cocoas from Starbucks. Calories? Worried abt using regular milk with 3.6% fat content? No.
Well, I do care that Im going fat.
But part of me, just wants to...stop. Everything.
Living, breathing, studying, training, suffering from intolerable pains on my back and knee and also caring about others and putting them before me.
I wish money would come rolling in faster and time would whizz by to next year.
My bags will be packed, my emotions will be vulnerable and my parents will be upset cos Im going against them and making the first move.....and I know its something I have to do. If I want something, I will work toward it.
Fuck, I hate this.

2005-07-31T10:47:00.000+08:00

Im sorry I made you feel lonely.....

I hate this feeling

David, please take me away.

2005-07-31T04:14:00.000+08:00

People were put on this earth for one reason. What that reason is, I dont know. I just know that we have a mission and each mission is different. I know I have this habit of making everyone around me happy but sometimes, I want to do things that make me happy too. Sure, I love being around the people I love and whom I would gladly take a bullet for anyday but please, I want to do the things that I love too.....I cant always be there to make people happy....sorry if it sounds selfish but its my life....I live it for myself and I make decisions that keep me happy....

2005-07-29T01:29:00.000+08:00

So I spent a bomb today. Not on material things like clothes but on things that will help better my face and image and make my legs smoother. So yeah, I spent quite an amount at the Body Shop and from two of the items I bought, the proceeds will go to an organization that helps kids who have been abused at home. So right now, I have this paper bag saying "AGAINST ANIMAL TESTING" stuck on my door and also the new bag from the Body Shop that says "STOP VIOLENCE AT HOME"..... Im very much for those two statements. Stuff at the Body shop may be expensive but they are worth it and they actually work. So yeah, school was okay. Did learn a thing or two. Haseena got my colorful letter and David got my card. Yay ^_^...so later on I will be getting Alisia's present ready cos her birthday is this Saturday and we are gonna celebrate it on Sunday during the store meeting. I've had a good day. Cant wait for next Sunday cos thats when I get my pay. Till then, I cannot touch my account at all. Maan is my official financial planner. He told me I cannot spend money on the following things:

Material things like CDs, clothes, shoes and bags.....
Soft Drinks cos they are unhealthy
Chocolates

Yeah, so all in all, I should be able to save......$225 this month if I dont spend money on any of those items stated up there. I should also control my food intake.

2005-07-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

Listening to: She's A Rebel by Green Day

Hve you ever sat back and thought about what you wanted in life? Or are you just one of those people who lives for the moment? Well, there are some people who live for the moment but Im sure when in their own quiet time, they couldnt help but just drift off and wonder what their future would be like. They would wonder whether they would be walking down their aisle and fulfilling their fairy tale wedding and then living life by their own rules along with their loved one with a job they love and just doing the things that make them happy. They cant help but wonder whether the future would be easy. I am one of those people. I do live for the moment but lately, I have been wondering what my life would be like. My friends know what they want to be in future. As for me, I am stuck in between becoming a psychologist, a social worker, a museum curator and a full-time barista/manager at Starbucks. Whether I'll still be in Singapore by the time Im 25, I dont know. But if I am still in Singapore when Im 25, Im gonna rent a place in Chinatown and live there with a room-mate. We'd be bachelorettes and I'd have my purple Vespa along with my pet ferret and my own room, in my own shades of purple and lilac with hints of dark wood furniture and African masks from my few holidays around the world with my limited income and my own little paintings made from a free mind or from despair and walls decorated from top to bottom with postcards, pictures, keychains, tickets and possibly everything from my teenage life. I'd drink tea everyday and have a nice scented bath twice a week and if Im still seeing someone, the occasional sex. Hey, it could happen so I must not forget the condoms which I will stash away on my study table for the world to see that I practice and preach safe sex. Provided whether the box is new or maybe expired. I'd have lavender candles and my scraps of journals filled with poems, pictures, random entries, thoughts and rants. Leather-bound would be nice and some long-lost, very comfortable but not wearable undies....like my Homer Simpsons and my Hot Stuffs....they are boxers, mind you. Oh and those 3 precious lil thongs I got on my 18th birthday from David. Yeah, I got underwear. They are pretty cute. Im actually planning on framing them up instead of wearing them. Thongs and me dont go together. I have a big ass but hey, its still nice but it has NO chemistry with thongs. Think arts. Think framed thongs. That works right? I think so. Makes me smile anyways.

2005-07-26T22:46:00.000+08:00

Deep Wish

I wait up on nights where the stars would leave anyone in awe.
I stare at the screen, hoping your name will show,
and that I would be able to talk to you.
But days have passed, and we've missed each other by mere minutes.
Frustration boils deep down when I know that time is never on our side.
Our separate lives keep us apart,
and our busy schedules allow us only minutes with each other.
But those minutes seem like eternity.
An eternity filled with euphoric dreams and sunset beaches.
My world shatters then when you have to go.
If only time would freeze,
I'd sprint across the world with only my heart to give,
and stand on your doorstep,
ring your bell,
and let fate take its course from there.

- Nell 26/07/2005

2005-07-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

Listening to: What If by Coldplay

I feel like I've swallowed a huge watermelon and can feel it pressing against my chest and trying to burst free from my flesh. My heart just hurts. Its not like me to put up my entire depressing life for people to read but its just something I need to get off my chest. Basically this is it. I have not talked to David in over...a week. After that week, I get an e-mail saying he cant call me anymore cos his dad has put this ban on making long-distance calls cos he called me sometime last week and we talked for abt 90 minutes. I cant call when I want cos whenever I do, he is busy and its hard to make an arrangement cos Im not home most the time and he so happens to come on when IM NOT HOME. So yeah, since I have a week off from Dragon Boat cos of my back, I'll rush home on Thursday and wait. Thats the least I can do right?

I hate this distance shit. I just.....I just fucking hate it.
Oh yeah, I passed 2 modules so far so Im pretty happy and thank god theres work tomorrow. At least that will take my mind off whatever is happening in the personal department of my life. I feel like puking now....

2005-07-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

The few things I love in my life.

Family
Friends
My job

Yeah. Thats about it.

2005-07-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

Whatching : Thats So Raven

Its hard when the person you want by your side the most isnt there......

2005-07-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

Fair Dudes and Dudettes,
I want a devil in bed XD
Anyone else wants a devil in bed, say EYE!

Anyways, yes, it is official.

I AM A CERTIFIED STARBUCKS BARISTA!!!!!

Thats about it for today. La Dee Dah.

2005-07-22T01:28:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Feelin' Way Too Damn Good by Nickleback

I stopped studying EBF.
EBF can kiss my brown ass for now......just for now XD
Anyways, SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!!
I was looking through my july archives and only found 2 entries. TWO ENTERIES!! =O
I used to write more than that. WAY more than that.
Okay so to give you a cliff-note version of my life over the past couple of um.....months or month. Whichever is better.

I gots me a new laptop.....woot~!
I gots to meet Good Charlotte....AND I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO GO FOR THE CONCERT!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!!
I've got lesser pimples on my face thanx to Ms Fitri
Made two friends
Put on a lil weight
Have longer hair
Over the top phone bills
Broke
Still Broke
Injured knee and lower back
Messy room
Blunt eyeliner
Tanned (totally sexy)
Comfy bermudas
Almost single but still attached. Communication is VERY important.
Parents know about David.
They will blow things up if Im gonna marry him. WTF?
Uh, STARBUCKS!!
CURRY PUFF!!

Thats abt it so far.

2005-07-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

Hidden

Standing on my head,
wishing I was dead,
like wood on fire,
my screams come out like wild-spitting-fire.
Razor blades,
and cotton swabs.
Dried up scabs,
and a broken heart.
Glass shards are shattered,
a million at a time,
a lonely girl's tears splattered,
with each written rhyme.
Lies become played out truths,
and masks are used to hide hidden roots.
Run away, is what she says.
Dont look back.
Just face the coming day.
A scratched record,
almost broken,
almost....almost hidden.

Uh, so yeah. Its my first entry since ever and its almost afew more hours to my last paper. EBF. The module which I acutally like but couldnt give two fucks abt doing the assignments. Im sorta late in handing in 2 assignments but I will try and get them in tomorrow. Yeah my friends are gonna freak but um....yeah okay you can beat me up for it. I think I need it anyways. Im slacking off school way too much. I try to study. I really do BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING >_<

Oh I busted my knee while laughing. Strange huh?

2005-07-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

Watching : Oprah Primetime with Tina Turner

Tina Turner has one back up dancer who is hot as hell. Im so lesbian right now. Ha.
Oh and um this week was pretty screwed up. I lost most of my information while backing up my system and deleted them so I got a total zero for my second EBF assignment. My fault, not the teachers. I deserved it. Should have handed it in last week before the race. Now, there is ECID, which is a total screw up. I cant sleep tonight so yeah.....whatever.

2005-06-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

Watching: One Tree Hill

Its a soap opera made in 2005. First there was The OC. Now, One Tree Hill and I have submitted to watching mindless love stories. We strive for perfection and shows like these display perfection in the most cliche'd of ways. Bubbling romance comes from constant conflict of opinions. Budding friendships come from physical fights and verbal abuse before finding the actual truth and apologising for it......its all bullshit.

2005-06-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Genoku by Kaggra

So I told my mom about David and shes totally cool with it *dies from relief* But shes not very comfy with me flying over there JUST to see him and I understand so I guess I wont be going. I mean I do have my pride yes but I dont have the money!! MONEY DOES MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND OKAY?! Cos my mom says that if Im gonna see him, I will have to do it by myself cos it wouldnt be fair of her and my dad paying for something that I chose to do at my own accord and blah blah blah yada yada yada boom.

I gots my first warning letter. Im not proud of it but whatever.
I actually like school now cos I sorta know whats going on.

2005-06-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Rain by Breaking Benjamin

Soooo....I havent updated in a while. So Im updating it now. Uh....many things have happened. But Im still alive and kicking just struck down with a fever. Thats it. I promise to update more yea. Sorta.

2005-06-06T03:28:00.000+08:00

Its 3:30am..and i cant sleep....a whole day of physical activity and still im not able to sleep...you people have the green light to hit me in the head now....go for it.

2005-06-02T07:41:00.000+08:00

Decided to skip school today. I know the workload isnt huge and all but I guess Im just being lazy and shit plus we have to go to the temple in the evening or something cos my mom was telling me that it was my grand-dad's death anniversary. I never knew him but its good to pay your respects when the time comes right? Anyways, why Im not going to school.....hm, thats a good question. Honestly? I dont have a good answer cos Im pretty sick of it at the moment and I seriously hate the fact that I literally space out during classes RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TEACHER and then later blame them for being bad lecturers when I am the bad student so I guess I'll be spending the most of daylight reading through lecture slides and keypoints.....its almost 8am so I guess I'll sneak in a 30 minute run to make up for today's training. I got a forwarded e-mail from Odel this morning. It was a letter from Derick (the NPDB Ex-President) and it was a pretty emotional ride just reading it. I had to choke back tears cos well, his thoughts were that big and had that much impact. I got the feeling and I can give my all. Thats the only thing I can say. I dont want to go into a whole Martin Luther King speech about how "I Can". I honestly think anyone can say "I Can" but what speaks louder would be the actions they do. So instead of just talking, which is cheap to some extent, I'll do.

Note to whoever is reading: Sex is an act of love. But dont have sex with someone just because you think you love them cos having sex is taking a huge leap forward into a relationship and if you do it without thinking or having an form of feeling, you're so fucking screwed. Haha...get it? Fucking screwed? Oh, nevermind. But you should know what Im talking about.

2005-06-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

Current song stuck in head: Whats New Pussycat by Tom Jones

Ohkay, thats not an official song by him but this site made fun of his songs and that happened to be one of them. Maybe because he slept around with alot of girls and stuff.

Yeah okay. I dont know how people can have multiple sex partners while still in a relationship. It will forever remain a mystery to me. Okay, heres a little something I wrote....so yeah...enjoy

Girl of Lies

Alone down the hallways,
she walks with her head down,
wearing her scars like badges of humilation,
fighting the urge and calls of temptation.
She's pushed and shoved from every corner possible,
the stress and pressure digging into her back,
like blades of hot steel, sending shocks of burning light,
making her scream to Satan's secret appeal.
She lays on the ground,
her tears flowing rivers of blood,
she sobs silently while her past sins engulf her entirely.
With the jaws of death,
she takes one last breath,
and closes her eyes while watching her painful life flash before her eyes.
Silly mistakes followed by ridiculous lies,
she covers up one by one with blood and ink,
hoping things will work out in the end.
But how wrong she was when she woke up one morning,
and found that everything she ever lied about,
was to follow her to the grave,
and begin their hauntings.

2005-05-31T18:21:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Mexico by Incubus

Honestly, why do people run away from things when they cant handle it? I for one have done that for quite some time...well, not all the time, just when I really cant take it and I run away. Sometimes with a reason, and sometimes without a word. I really hate it when I do that. It makes me feel spineless and even worse than jelly fish. Right now, Im sitting in on a really boring make-up lecture and am missing the first hour of DB.....dammit! We have like 2 more weeks to the race and its like....I dont know...I dont feel prepared at all. Anyways, I didnt bring my shoes cos my dear mom washed them yesterday and they are still wet. Bleh..... only 40 more minutes till the lecture ends....Why do I see my life flashing before me in slow motion? Its very painful to see the horrible things you did when you were young and extremely stupid...not to mention the bucketsful of drool...yuckers..... I am so hungry but I cant eat till training is over cos Im giving the girls a treat at Pizza Hut tonight. Made the reservations, got the money, and we are all good to go. The freshies are coming in today and I do hope 99.99% of them stay. The girls team is really small and we really need the numbers and the committment. A good friend of mine is coming back from holiday next week and I'll be able to see him then and do a little catching up ^_^

Oh blah..I hate this lecture. Networking so fucking sucks....period.

Birthday things.....

2005-05-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Quicksand by Travis

Its been 2 days since my birthday. Lets see what happened on my birthday starting from the 27th.

My classmates threw a little party for Irman and I since were were both born in May. Kesh bought the cake before coming to school and Fitri got me a HUGE TUBE OF TWINKLES!!!! *_* I lurve you, honey XD TWINKLES!! *gasp* THE WHITE ONE!!! *mega gasp* HAPPYNESS-NESS!! I got an sms from my best friend, Chantel, at 2330 hrs. I was still online so at midnight I got IM's wishing me happy birthday and the usual "Eh...now can go clubbing ah"....got a couple of birthday testimonials from a couple of people on friendster. I went shopping with Shirlyn and bought myself a pair of camo pants...I LOVE THEM!!! and then hung out with Fitri and Maan cos we couldnt watch Madagascar -_-...but it was fun!! Heh...that guy with the afro was so asking for a good shake....XD *coughs* Inside joke, people.....relax

Erm..... on my birthday itself got smses, gloves from my sister, $50 from my mom, a PM from Ju and a very sweet note from Dy *sighs*, er....a call from David. Not much cos I wasnt home most of the time since I was out attending training ^_^ That took my mind off a lot of things and I later had dinner with Terry, Melissa, Odel & Shu Rong. Dinner will be on me after Tuesday's training at Pizza Hut XD I talked with David for about 15 minutes and had to hang up cos it was so noisy around Taka and the people were ANNOYING!

On Sunday, I went for training in the morning.....got home around 5:30pm and then left the house at 6pm to meet kevin cos he was gonna treat me to dinner at Marche.....with The Guys...it was pretty fun ^_^ I ate alot and then went home, and dropped dead. A few people forgot my birthday but man, Im not surprised. People forget things...heh.....so, whatever yeah?

Monday....monday....today.....for those reading on tuesday....YESTERDAY...it was a normal school day. Hah....I got a pimple though...and its BIG =O

I hate Java. Period. WHY DID NERDS EVER INVENT JAVA?!!?!

Oh and my photography teacher is....pretty interesting....*coughs*....kinda hot..he's got very strong legs : and um.....yar...Pretty Eyes has SUCH Pretty Eyes.....*batts eyelashes*

Note: Pretty Eyes is a guy....sshhhh!!

Oh and Thank you to those who remembered my birthday and making it memorable ^_^

You know, in all honesty, I wasnt looking forward to my birthday at all. I was having a pretty miserable week and basically channelled all my energy into preparing for my sister's birthday instead. I guess on my birthday, I wanted all the special people in my life to be present and actually be there when I turn 18 and stuff but um....yeah....they werent so yeah....sure I was happy on that day and I loved every bit of it but I guess part of me just wanted to crawl into a hole and cry....yeah...talk about birthday blues huh?

2005-05-26T16:29:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns 'N' Roses

One of the best bands in the world. Theres no doubt about that. Right now, they are my only form of comfort at the moment. I have problems, yes but Im an ass at the same time cos I dont tell people my problems. I just tell the normal ones like "No Money" or "I gonna fail my exams" ....blah blah blah...etc etc....SAME STORY....but obviously things run deeper and I wanna save my ego and be all strong and hide my tears with laughter. Heh, its so easy to do that.

Well, the song just ended. I actually liked that song. I read on MSN news that Carrie Undwerwood won American Idol....WHY?!!? I wanted Bo Bice to win!! I mean he's not the most perfect looking guy around but he's humble and such a rocker. I love rockers <3 Just like I love guys with long, curly hair XD Oh and dark eyes....*sighs*

Have you ever noticed people's eyes? When they have long lashes and dark eyes, its as if you could get lost into their eyes and find a deeper meaning behind them or they are just the Devil in disguise. Ever noticed that the possessed people in horror movies have really dark eyes? Yeah...I was going down that lane and not being idiotically random.

I've trying to distract myself from all things emotional or maybe all things romantical. It saves me the damned energy anyways ^_^ I could use that energy for Dragon Boat......race...5 weeks...dammit...!! >_<

2005-05-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Priceless by Incubus

I cant sleep. I TRIED sleeping early so that I can get up at like....2:30 or maybe 3am just to talk to him. But somehow, I ended up wanting to cry or at least break something cos Im really sad. I really miss him and this whole distance thing is getting to me. It gets to me everyday and every single day I have to prevent myself from cracking. Laughter and wit are my medications to life. Friends are my breath and writing is my blood. I havent written in a long time and it means Im losing something that keeps me sane and well, alive. Everything seems to be going wrong. Money is tight as hell and my training t-shirt is still missing. I cant find it. I've been trying to find it and have raided the whole house at least 10 times but to no avail. Its only been the second day of school and already Im losing my mind. My heart hurts like hell and Im trying to stop myself from crying........

2005-05-25T00:05:00.000+08:00

You are the Spirit of Generosity. You have the most
caring and loving nature ever known, you would
give away your own clothes if you felt someone
deserved it. Your open manner invites friends
to you and they are the luckiest of people to
have you as a friend. The same thing will find
you a friendly person to share your gifts with.

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-05-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

Listening to : 4th Movement of Odessey by Incubus from the Halo 2 Soundtrack

So yeah, I've learnt my lesson. If you want to be accepted and make change, you have to put your foot forward and make the first move. You cant expect everyone to be nice to you. If you want to be treated with respect and be accepted, you have to be yourself and make change by being the one who causes change.

Why Im saying something like that?

I finally feel like Im part of the team. No more feeling outcasted and dumb. No more feeling lonely. Im there for one reason and one reason only. Im there for the team Oh yeah, and another reason, cos the love I feel for the team is still there. Doubt it'll die. Period ^_^

I havent written in a long time. Black Lavender has been on hold for a long-ass time. I have to get started on Chapter 31. My readers have been uberly patient and I thank them for that. I have been either too lazy or too dumb to think of anything creative after that whole Mio twist in chapter 11. That knocked people right off their socks and sent them flying in all directions. Heh. It was fun reading the reviews XP

It was the first day of school today and apart from seeing my friends, it sucked. My teachers are a total bore. I would much prefer watching a snail crawl over 10 kilometers than sit through their lectures -_- How the HELL am I gonna last the 3rd Semester? My laptop is fucked and keeps coming up with weird-ass virus alerts and installation errors. I have been nothing but good to the laptop but its reazlly being a bitch to me. Bleh.

Training was pretty alright except for my stupid acid reflux nonsense. I so have to get over the damned pain and actually complete the run with the girls for once. I mean the junior girls will be coming in next week and I cant afford to be all weak and shit in front of them. Yeah, I know...Ego but hey, everyone has an ego. Mine is not looking bad in front of my juniors.

I miss David. He is having his English 'A' Levels today and I wish him the best of luck. I mean, he is English and he is sitting for his English paper so Im sure he'll do fine. Im just worried for his Biology which is on 6th June....yeah we both suck at Biology so I feel his pain when he talks about it. Poor thing. I doubt I will be able to talk to him for a long time cos I will be busy with school and DB PLUS I have to stay back in school on some days to train myself and also do extra studying. Since my lecturers are a total, fucking bore, I'll have to take my own studies into my own hands. Dear lecturers, you guys are nice but boring BUT I'll still remember you fondly when Im 65 and sagging. God bless y'all.

2005-05-23T12:35:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Perfect by Simple Plan

I got back from camp yesterday
Shu Ling is FINALLY back and she looks awesome XD Welcome back, hun
5 more weeks till the Dragon Boat Festival......talk abt pressure -_-
School starts tomorrow >_@
I know how to make a friendship band ^_^
I have 7 blisters on my left hand. Hello Hall of Fame.
I.Am.Tired.
My Dad wont be home when my sister turns 20 and I turn 18.
I need new underwear.
I passed up on Perfection. Literally.
5 weeks......

Bring it on

2005-05-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is high. You can't resist desire and lust.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-05-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Cage by Dir En Grey

Alright lets see, I've successfully attended a full week of training and I feel great. Things are alright with me emotionally and physically. Mentally too....still gotta work on it though. I am caught in the middle. Should I take a risk or just play safe? Thats something I've been thinking about for a while and sometimes I tend to change my mind a lil too often but Im still playing it safe yea. Oh well.

Is it me? Do I ask for too much? Do I gravitate to a shinier object? I dont know.

2005-05-07T00:52:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Re-Offender by Travis

1. FITRI IS COMING BACK TODAY!!! TODAY I TELL YOU!! TODAY!! Gurl, if you are reading this, I MISSED YOU LIKE A BEAR MISSES SALMON AND LIKE I MISS CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!!! Woman, you were missed by yours truly.....lets do coffee and cheesecake one day.

2. Love Square? AMAGAD!!!

3. Im resigning from Pizza Hut and am gonna work at........ -moment of suspence-......STARBUCKS!!!!!! *_*

Ima happy happy happy gurl.......

2005-04-30T16:00:00.000+08:00

Listening to :Clocks by Coldplay

Im still puking my guts out.

Can someone trade stomachs with me?

SHU LING I MISS YOU!!!!!!

2005-04-29T00:49:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Stand by Me by Oasis

1. I've had food poisoning for over a week. Blame my weak stomach.
2. My room is a mess
3. I ignored Kevin for a whole day
4. Im a total emotional-wreck
5. Dont worry, Im fine. Just confused.
6. I have a deviantArt account *squeals*
7. I LOVE DEVIANTART!!!
8. Chocolates or Lemonade?
9. I have work tomorrow
10. Fitri left the country *sobs*
11. I will miss Fitri
12. I suck at Tekken 5
13. I suck at GT4
14. I will never drive. Period.
15. Im not very skilled at shaving my legs
16. I like cheesecake
17. Cheesecake goes well with chocolate sauce
18. Things you should NOT do when you are drunk: Pretend to be Vincent Van Goug and cut your ear off
19. I need new glasses
20. Meow
21. This is a list
22. I need more CDs
23. Library books are 1 month over due.....LoL
24. GIVE ME TICKETS TO GO TO ENGLAND!!!
25. Read 24
26. Hungry
27. Im gonna stop the list at 30
28. If I were a cat, I'd say "RAWR!!"
29. If I had a purple teddy bear, I'd marry it
30. I want a purple Jaguar

2005-04-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Sound Check by Gorillaz

I spent the entire day with Kevin today.
We made chocolate chip pancakes and watched Finding Nemo.
We then played Burnout 3 on his PS2 before heading out for a movie and dinner.
I managed to talk to David after 3 days of NOT talking and it was very brief.
I couldnt stay long anyways cos Kevin was already whining in the background.
The movie was nice.
Dinner was a killer cos I could barely finish anything.

I just wish my flow of words would come back.
Black Lavender has been on hold for a long time and so have my poems.
I do have rhymes in my head but they dont seem to come out the way I want them to,
so in conclusion, my poems suck and so does my story.
Theres training tomorrow.
Lord have mercy on my left knee.
Amen.

2005-04-23T00:09:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Angels or Devils by Dishwalla

A teensy note to the one I love. Yes, I CAN write a decent love letter. Meh x_X

Honey,
I know we are far apart in this war of distance.
But please believe me that once I commit, I stay true.
I stay true to my words and my actions.
I apologise for whatever mistake I made,
and hope that you'll forgive me and accept me for who I am.

Hurtful words may be exchanged and tears may have been shed,
but its all part of this phenomenon called "Love".
Im not a romantic at heart.
But whatever I do or say, it comes from there and along with my soul.
I pour my words out the way I see it and the way I know you'll understand and appreciate.
We wont see each other for another year and a half.
But if we put the past behind us and take time to look back on it,
we have come a long way and we have grown stronger and closer than ever.
I never had this with anyone.
I hope you'll be my first and my last.
I know its all cliched, and people say that teenagers always get carried away.
But I know myself and I am a master of my emotions.
What I am saying now, has every inch of my soul in it and I hope it reaches your ears and heart cos those are that ones that I speak to and the ones that I long to touch.
I'd like to explore more but you have really cute ears and you listen well.

You have listened to every one of my rants, problems, and praises.
You have listened to every single mindless thing that came out of my mouth and laughed along with me.
Your heart, always pure and true, has been a guiding light even in this turmoil of distance.
It has provided warmth and comfort.
Joys and tears.
I thank the Lord for having bless me with you as my partner in my heart, soul, dreams and voice.
I know we can get pass this distance and make things work out.
Once we are pass that, anything is possible.
Absolutely anything.
I love you and thats all that matters.
Cos nothing is gonna change that.
Absolutely nothing.

Love always and forever,
Parnella

2005-04-22T11:43:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Kasumi by Dir En Grey

Okay so Im not leaving DB.

Long story short: Thanx, Ellyas.

2005-04-21T01:19:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Tonight, Not Again by Jason Mraz

Heres a funny strip :

Glomp Of Fury

2005-04-20T16:14:00.000+08:00

Listening to : You and I Both by Jason Mraz

Just wanted to post up a picture I edited earlier this morning. You can find the original piece here

So yeah, here is what I did with it :

2005-04-19T23:01:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Beware! Criminal by Incubus

I think I have officially pissed David off.
Well, for the past two days I have been talking to Dy for a LONG time.
You have no idea.
I had fun talking to the guy and well, you cant help but miss a friend right?
So I wrote a poem, and I think David got pissed but hes not telling me.
Knowing him I know he will tell me in time but I want it to be now so that I dont have to worry myself shitless.

Oh yeah.

Im leaving Dragon Boat.
I just gotta get my t-shirts and stuff together and give it back to the team.
I've had enough.

2005-04-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Politik by Coldplay

I officially hate two people.

Thats it.

Might wanna leave DB too.

I dunno yet.

I will just train hard for the June race and see how everything goes in the end.

2005-04-18T15:44:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

My declarationg from the previous post still stands.

BUT YOU HAVE TO FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS!!!

Acapella Nintendo

Happy laughing everyone.

2005-04-18T12:49:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Lithium by Nirvana

First things first: NIRVANA TOTALLY OWNS THE GRUNGE ROCK WORLD!!!

okay. So I found this awesome piece of are I wanna share with you guys.
This girl, IS SO TALENTED

cave in
A deviation by ~shinobi-fi (© 2005)

You can view more of her works if you click here

2005-04-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Ayashi No Hikari by Kaggra

I have a confession.
I have a crush on someone.
Yeah yeah I have a boyfriend but I guess sometimes my mind wanders and well, I end up thinking of someone else.
This guy I like has a pet monitor lizard. I swear.
I know him AND his cousin.
His cousin is awesome.
We make fun of alot of things and have plenty of evil plots up our sleeves.
But He captures my attention cos he is different.
He is...how would you say.....Dangerous & Direct
Oh yeah, he can make a pot of tea too ^_^
Yes, I dig a guy who can do the laundry AND make a pot of tea.
Tea rocks \m/
Thing is, I cannot be with him cos of certain habits that he has.
I cant say.....
Well, he likes me too. Thats why I have a crush on him.
Sweet guy. VERY direct which is appealing. Shy too =P
But yeah, cant happen.
Even if it did, it would end quite fast and the wound would be deep cos he is the sort that would leave a deep impression and stuff.

*sighs*
Matters of the heart SUCK!
WHY GOD WHY!!??

Hahahaha..........

2005-04-17T11:57:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Circles by Incubus

Funny shit!!

http://sinfest.net/d/20040603.html

2005-04-16T16:37:00.000+08:00

Listening to : When I Come Around by Green Day

I didnt go for training today.
I badly hurt my back during thursday's gym session.
But I'll be running later when the rain stops.
I wonder how the girls are doing.
They are having training as I type.
I hope they are okay.
I'll be seeing them on Tuesday.
Hopefully I can keep up and wont be all depressed after training.

As the song says: "When I Come Around"

Hm.....Eyeliner.....

MyWorld.Jade

Festival of Lights

Believe Me, Natelie

BABY SHOWER!!!

roller-coaster

~*~Star Struck ~*~

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart when your going to be in there for a long time

Listening to : Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee

Dear Irman....

Yeah, I love my life...... <3

Birthday things.....

The Keys to Your Heart

~~Star Struck ~~